There is probably no more of a dreaded phrase in the Dating world than, "Lets just be Friends". We have all probably heard this line at least once in our lives. These words more than likely have brought many of us crashing down because upon hearing the dreaded line, our hopes for deeper intimacy with another come suddenly, to an screeching and abrupt halt. On the other hand, many of us may have possibly used the famous one liner ourselves. But after this unforgettable experience, if we are honest with ourselves somewhere in the midst of our disappointment or in the more intense cases, that of our drowning sorrow, an epiphany occurs, that a friendship is really the best way for any relationship to start versus the popular notion of just plunging one self into the unknown deep waters of intimacy, not knowing anything about this vast mysterious body of water one has jumped into. We know deep down that genuine friendships seek to truly know and appreciate the deep mystery of who a person truly is before things get seriously intimate on romantic level. We know that we must be patient, understanding, and non controlling allowing the person to be there self as we hope they will be with us . It is not easy to let the other flourish as true authentic person, it risky business since it calls us to let go of our need based closeness which is not love based closeness and is likely to last only as long as our need lasts. The love we know we ought to give is not based, at least not primarily, on our own needs being satisfied by the other. Like anyone who loves deeply and authentically, they will be loyal to their friends. Loyalty for the Catholic is attribute that finds it ultimate and final meaning in God. Who will never forsake his own but remains faithful as long as we desire him. Loyalty is doing what one has committed to amidst changing circumstances. Loyalty is a quality that develops our consciousness. Loyalty leads us deep into a situation, through it, and out the other side emerging as a more developed person. Loyalty in a heart to heart relationship develops mutual trust. But our Loyalty must hold hands with Honesty, that is it must be a reality within ourselves and with others if is to be truly authentic. I think this catches somewhat of the spirit of desire of those voice a ever popular but legitimate complaint of how someone has negatively been treated in a relationship, the complaint goes like this, " I am tired of his or her Games." This indicates that someone feels that they are being manipulated ultimately for what the other wants out of the relationship. Its sad, Those who employ this tacit (playing games) are missing out on the very thing they are looking for, when we seek Love like this, in some quicker or less painful way, we settle for an empty substitute that dehumanizes the other and creates them in image of our own selfish desires, a recipe for a relationship that is ultimately in the end, an empty and unsatisfying one. When will we wake up and understand that God never promised us that road would be safe and easy, but in order to find true life and love that means listening to what Love itself ( God ) says. It means that in order to find this great of gift of His, we must carry our crosses wrestling with others and ourselves which are prone to be selfish and sinful. Yet, we have hope among this relational chaos of finding the beauty that lies in others and also in our selves that leads to true love. Hopefully all the while, we are seeking to make our song of love more like song of Love itself , "Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, (love) is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails".
What brings many to a site such as this looking for new friendships and possibly hoping to find that long lost soul mate? What makes a Catholic site for these seekers more attractive than the plethora of generic ones that fill the world of cyberspace? The answer runs the gambit for many I suppose. For many on this site hopefully your reasons exists beyond the superficiality and bankrupt answers of those live life in the fast lane of our ever - pervasive "hookup" culture. Those who resonate with such sentiments still find their way here for various reasons. Some are merely looking for cultural common ground sincerely hoping that this may lead to greater happiness and stability in any potential relationships that they may find. Then there are those that see things a bit deeper,they seek those overall values and qualities in a person that embody those found in the Catholic Faith, rather than those of the world, who play fast and loose with words such as love and commitment, making up all the rules as they go, ever sinking in a world moral relativism. As noble as this pursuit is ..there are still yet others, granted they are few? who understand this whole pursuit of seeking new friends or even a Soul mate quite differently from the popular ideas in our contemporary culture. For them Love is more than existential feeling that floods our hearts and the deepest recesses of the soul. No they see it's reality in a more multivalent way,They know that Loves reality is so grand and inexhaustible that finds it?s ultimate expression in the being of God Himself. While God remains mysterious to them in many ways. The are a few things these sojourners "do" know for certain about him, The fact that He is love. Since God is Love the greatest gift he could offer is life in His Love which life in His self. Thus lies the great treasure of these few sojourners is participation and life in Love Itself. In this Divine life they find the true expression for their love, and sees its divine power in that it can be understood by all despite the constraints of language, culture, and time self , this is not surprising since this love comes from God who is not subject to these limitations himself . However this mission of theirs is bound to find great tension in a world who bows at the great alter of "self" the oldest revival of Love Itself. It mocks the very character of their valued treasure because it?s power lies beyond the self in the divine life, that is it lies primarily not of receiving love but in the gift of giving love, not primarily in being understood but in seeking to understand the other, not in primarily feeling love in the self but act of the will to love the other despite it's self . Why do they do this? They know that true Love is not found in the contours of their own finite fickle, self oriented hearts but only found the transcendent, infinite, perfect being of Love itself, who showed us by dying to self paradoxically leads to the resurrected and uncorrupt able life of love itself . It is this small courageous band who I seek to follow to find love in friends and possibly soul mates through the grace and life of Love itself.
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